We never realize how important are the little things in our life, how a small changes can change the world or how a simple change in perspective can make things so much simpler
I felt relieved at least one of my applications got accepted.
I tried to apply for JPA and TNB Scholarships, but they weren't that successful.
In an instant my application for TNB got swipe, and my JPA scholarship application wasn't as great as my other friends.
Looking it at first yes, you might say that I lost it.......... But you've forgotten I still have DQ, I still have hope.
It's not like I have much of a choice...... better enjoy what we are given as if we really wanted that badly.
Other people would just say I just had the worst of luck. I'm unhealthy during the exams and didn't score, and at the same time didn't got any new scholarships.
But I believe there's a meaning to everything we got, easy or hard, it's not our choice to choose. It's our choice whether we wanna take it or not.
If my twin was here she would have said that one day I might just end up as a "Hufaz" like her and get a chance to go to Mecca. It's a really great place she said.
So the plan now, if i continue with DQ is that, 3 years DQ, 1 year at IIU, then the rest at KAUST, Saudi Arabia. (King Abdullah University of Science and Technology) Let it be a small smile or a laughter, i'll take it, because I know that eventually we'll get what's the best Allah gives us.
I'm not trying to be a fool or a schematic, just trying to look at the bright side of life.
Yep, if you see at one part of my life, it's like half destroyed, I have a slim chance I might be Ok, considering I'm always sick with bronchitis asthma, I've lost 2 of my best chances of scholarships for going to US, and my family is like halfway disrupted by all the chaos that's happening.
But at least I try..... and that's the whole point I told myself.
Life isn't great, from my experience it totally sucks, quite from that, is that how we're suppose to react to it? By making our world more miserable and thinking as if it's miserable, yeh duh...... that's a great solution.... NOT
people like my twin and my sister have all the luck, you name it, they have it.
But the real thing to see is to see what we have, and be grateful with it, be grateful that your dad at least bought a second hand handy cam, be grateful that when you go to debate training there are still some people (one or two) willing to learn, be grateful for everything you have. (even the pain in your chest that interrupts your sleep at night. LOL)
So right now the words I'm gonna say for now............. DQ here I come!!!!
Yet..... she looks younger than me....... A lot younger...........
And as time passes, I grew older. And I wonder, Are our age distinguish as to by how close we are from death or how long we have lived?
15 March 2010, 9.00pm
We (my family and I) just wished ummi a happy 42th birthday. there wasn't anything grand or cakes or shopping malls or anything as such, it was just a simple birthday with Nasi Beriyani and Ayam rempah (me and my dad cooked it, I already know how to cook!).
As much as I could see it, the differences between my mom's face when she was my age and when she was now hadn't change much. To me she still looked like a teenager, maybe even more teenager than me. What was her secret I asked: She cherished life, she enjoyed what she did and was, how my dad would put it "in control" of what she wants.
After all the parties and celebrations and games we did, I crawled back under my bed sheet, tired: fatigue. Then as I was staring up at my dark ceiling sky, someone knocked the door. It was Ummi. She asked whether I wanted to follow her out for a stroll. And this time, I will drive.
Having receive my L driving license, by law, I was eligible to drive as long as there is an experience driver next to me.
I drove the car, going through the junctions and traffic lights. it wasn't as if I this was my first time driving. I usually drove all the time, illegally, to malls, schools sending my siblings, to wet markets and places where my parents are too busy to send them.
I drove till the SRI Ayesha school building. It was night that time at Taman Tasik Cempaka, but the lights were bright and you could see families strolling through the area with there children playing at the playground. we walked around there, hopefully nobody thought that we were a couple, considering that I have the face of twenties and my mom looked like a teenager.
Ummi told me how she would cherish these small moments, because she knew, as I also knew.....
This might be the last time I will celebrate her birthday with her........
* * *
Suatu Hari seorang bayi yang "belum siap" (premature) sudah meraung untuk dilahirkan ke dunia. Dia bertanya kepada Tuhan yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Mengasihani, "Para Malaikat mengatakan yang masaku belum tiba, masih tinggal 3 minggu sebelum ku pergi ke dunia seterusnya, oleh itu ya Allah, bantulahku, bagaimana saya hidup di sana sedangkan saya begitu kecil dan lemah malah belum bersedia"
Dan Tuhan menjawab, " Saya telah memilih satu malaikat untukmu. Ia akan menjaga dan mengasihimu"
"Tapi di sini, di dalam syurga, apa yang saya lakukan hanyalah bernyanyi dan tertawa, Ini sudah cukup untuk merasa bahagia"
"Malaikatmu akan bernyanyi dan tersenyum untukmu setiap hari. Dan kamu akan merasakan kehangatan cintanya dan menjadi lebih bahagia"
"Dan bagaimana saya bisa mengerti saat orang-orang berbicara kepadaku, jika saya tidak mengerti bahasa mereka?"
"Malaikatmu akan berbicara kepadamu dengan bahasa yang paling indah yang pernah kamu dengar, dan dengan penuh kesabaran dan perhatian, dia akan mengajarmu bagaiman untuk berbicara sehinggakan satu dunia akan mendengar kata-kata kamu."
"Saya mendangar di Bumi terdapat banyak orang Jahat, siapakah yang akan melindungi saya?"
"Malaikatmu akan melindungimu, walaupun ia boleh mengancam jiwanya"
"Tapi, saya pasti akan merasa sedih kerana tidak dapat melihatMu lagi."
"Malaikatmu akan menceritakan padamu tentang Saya, dan akan membantu mu ketika hendak pulang kepada Saya."
Saat itu, suasana di Syurga begitu tenang sehingga suara di bumi dapat didengari dan sang anak tanya perlahan...
"Tuhan jika saya harus pergi sekarang, bisakah kamu memberitahu nama malaikat tersebut?"
Those were the last words someone special told you. And just like everyone else, they're now gone forever.
But the realization is that, it isn't they who have gone, it's us.....
Every year we make new friends and family. And what we fear is that by the time we said we would stay with them forever, we'll eventually lie.
Because someone like me, does not live a very long time.... my time is almost up. And I fear they might not be able to accept the fact that we are gone, that we are not there, that somehow our time will come.
It won't be like yesterday where we will meet at class and start exchanging notes, or we could tell each other that it will be ok, or maybe give a call to check upon our health.
it isn't like that, someday we'll go our separate ways, and God knows how much I fear when that happens. When we get intanggle up so much we can't let go. WE GET DISTRACTED FROM THE REALITY!!!
I'm no reality. The reality is what I'm showing here..... And it's very unpleasant.
When the time comes and that person can already cope with the reality, then it signifies that it's almost time for us to disappear.
Because that's our job: To help people. And so what are we? some invisible friend? some imagination? a twin that never existed but actually did?
We are not the ones whom need help, we help ourselves by helping others. And so I would like to end these moments of writing with the simple phrase Among all the people I've helped - My twin was the best, and I'm glad I met her.
SPM has passed, now only as a distant memory, only a scar in my life which would be a reminder for all the goodness, greatness, thrill, hardship and patience's I went through my life.
But now a new journey is going to unveil, the second chapter has finished, the third is just about to start. i remembered what Ustazah Marzilah told me: "Hidup nu dua hari sahaja Hari ini dan semalam"
Well, so much for being old. It seems I'm not that old after all. I'm just sixteen and going to seventeen yet right now I'm already employed and working office hours at my moms school as a computer accountant, a debate trainer and a teacher in Tilawatul Qur'an. I sometimes laugh at myself, what in the world am I becoming and this is a survey my doctor and my parents think what courses I could take for the next league of my journey:
Noetics Science: no, this is not made up. It is the Science of mind and mysteries and ancients. and again No, it's not about magic. this is some new course that started when people realize that the human soul actually has mass (yes it really does!). I read most of my research from the all new " the Lost Symbol" from Dan Brown. It does not only talk about the mind, but also how it functions and how it is actually able to change our world. this with the advice from my doctor said it could be used to help me ( I have some mental problem, where my brain works double than other people but performs slower than others). Not just that, but in addition to our mind it will also discuss about how the ancients work and the ancient mysteries. Like whether there is a fountain of youth or not, or the Philosopher's stone, or things like chi energy, human genome, Yakjuj and Makjuj, telepathy and clairvoyance, or whether is it true that the Hajarul Aswas is from heaven and has mystical properties. This I want to find out. The people before us has talked a lot about this, even in the Quran there is still some mysteries to be solved, and I want to be the one to find it. The reason why I'm interested was because before this I wanted to be a Quran Scientist, and this course fits the spot, whi knows maybe more.
Quantum Physics: you guess it, our friendly technology we all like to call Nanotech. Quantum means small and I mean tiny small, while Physics means the physical world principles. Now this Nanotechnology isn't actually as new as you would have thought of it. People now has been using it in things like food manufacturing, medicine and human anatomy improvement. Now lets talk about the later, "human anatomy improvement", the reason why I like this was because I had a lung disease, some say it's incurable, but I really don't want to believe that now. I once watch this movie where someone who was hit by a car, got spilled with toxic substances and drank half a liter of carbon fume and was on the verge of death miraculously reincarnated with the help of subatomic nanotech particles that took over his body's organs and made him extraordinary. Insyaallah, it's in my grasp as we speak.
Syariatul Islamiah: This of course came from the idea of becoming a politician. I really hated becoming one so she thought something else for me, one that came to my liking. I was a Winner of the state Islamic Public Speaking, so words and verses was a talent of mine. I also wanted to know more about Islam and how it is perfect.
Political Science: Yep, this is one course many other people think I have a talent in. I'm a debater, a leader and has a broad knowledge about the political arena that some people says that I could go to parliament right this moment and people would think any lesser.
So there we have it, a list of some of the courses I might take, it would be great if someone could help me choose because its not like I could choose all, I can't with a brain like mines. So lets see what'll happen for the time. we've got 5 months, that'll hopefully be more than enough time
Insyaallah, in a weeks time I'm to sit for my SPM examinations, and after that I'll be leaving this school of mine. i feel old and yet I never felt so young in my entire life. I remembered when I used to be so small, so chubby, so ridiculously cute, all the seniors would want to pinch my face for God-knows what reason. As I got older, I realize that there is more to life than just plain old textbooks, school, prefects, and whatever kind of stuff, it's the experience, the thrill, and the wonders you've been through.
I suppose, my time is almost up as a teenager, I could feel it in my bones, crippling my entire body like a cage. And yet, I'm happy about it. I'm grateful to Allah that I was able to meet some great people, some people who thinks they are just normal but are actually extraordinary. I don't believe the next time we meet you'll be just some kind of" Student", no you'll be more than that.
Getting out from Maahad has changed me, I won't be the same person twice when I finish these exams, that I'm positive of. Even though Maahad might be a little less comfortable to stay in right now ( with all crazy laws, dont bother to tell me) but if I was given a second chance to go and seek knowledge there, then I will take it.
Islam does not need another Salahuddin Al Ayyubi or Muhammad Fateh or anyone in that certain matter, what Islam needs is YOU. i once told my juniors that whatever you do you have to make sure in the end Islam will get the benefit, directly or indirectly.
The end is certain but then what's the end for an ending? I don't believe this is the last time we'll meet ( even if the reaper is right next to me), because there's just no end to it. Yes maybe there'll be the end of the world thing, 2012, the day after tommorow, but there is still something after that, even you couldnt disagree. So right now as a testify this, Insyaallah I'm sure we'll meet again someday, let it be tomorrow or the day after.
what does Fakhry means?,
It means going through hardships, experience and a long journey, only knowing that it was never the end that we should be proud of, but the journey that we've gone through, doing the things we love with the people we love. I'm never proud at what I accomplish, but I'm proud that there are people accomplishing incredible things because of it. That is what Fakhry means.
It seemed quite a surprise, a shock maybe even a nightmare at first. I, Abdullah Fakhry was chosen to be Head Prefect. It felt weird, believe me, with all that power and responsibility, I thought I was going to burn the school for what they did to me.(I even borrowed a lighter from one of my friends that night)
Maybe I was dreaming about it a little when I was form one. I was a little piss off when I wasn’t chosen to become a prefect when I was in primary (mind you it was my mom’s school). So when I was form one I was determined to be known. It was hard. But I had a great leap start. See, what made me famous (as I presume) was because people knew my sister. Yeah I think I would really have to thank her for that. People would address me as Ayesha’s younger brother. And that’s where I made my move.
It started when I was form two. At this time I was already trained as a debater, so it wasn’t that hard nibbling my way on how great I was in public speaking (I was best debater for the Intra-school). It first started with the interview of PRS. I remembered Umi Sapiah coming to me asking me whether I wanted to be one, since I was a person with a flashy tongue, I had a way with words (even though sometimes it might look ridiculous).
I was about to sign in my name for PRS but out of no where I got wind Nafeesa was becoming a PRS, and she wasn’t being interviewed. Hisshhh, I hated the idea. People would correlate me and Nafeesa even more, and I didn’t want that. It was, as to my luck that at that time BADAR and Prefects were being separated with different roles and power. I took my chance and before anyone knew it, I was chosen as BADAR (Badan Dakwah dan Rohani).
BADAR gave me a new vision on how to see the world. It thought me about islam, about how to live, about aqidah and syariah, and most of all about what my name really meant. Form 3 as they say, was the glory of my teen years, although it was the start of a lot of hardships. There were those times where people would condemn us about what we BADAR do, taking Islam so seriously, and at that moment I had to be at my strongest. Don’t care what others say I said to myself.
A year with BADAR changed me a lot. But I was determined to do more than that. Out of the blue, Ustaz Solah invited me to join the prefects. I was reluctant to leave BADAR after everything I went through with it.
And so that’s where the laughing came. At form four I was both BADAR and Prefect, with prefect having more control over me but BADAR having more influence over me (get it?). I wore of course my new peach prefect shirt, but that didn’t stop me acting like a BADAR. And as fast as you knew it, I rose through the ranks of prefect; I became deputy secretary 2 for prefects. It was a lot of work. And that’s where I learned how to manage a system and body. A lot of paper works I had to do, but I thought it was quite fun actually, a lot of classified information I was able to see like what day was it going to be spot checks, who had cigarettes and hand phones behind the teachers back, who had great grades and what were their strength and weakness, and whom to trust and believe.
By the time I was form five, I had a lot in my head. And before I knew it I was chosen as head prefect. I was able to draft some laws and systems of the school, I had unlimited access to the school main computers, and I had school immunity. It was like heaven. There were times when it was hard, when you feel that even though you had all that power in your finger tips, you also had a responsibility towards the school. I could just buy a cigarette, go out at nights while I was in hostel, bully some juniors, and maybe even crash into the girls dormitory (I did had the keys once), but I didn’t. There was more in becoming a prefect than just having power and immunity, there was responsibility. I remembered an old saying: “where there’s great power comes great responsibility”.
Responsibility. And that’s where it all started, I had to make sure the school was at tip top, disciplined you would say. There were times where I had caught some of my friends doing some ugly bad things that you would believe Islamic students would have thought of, I had to get rough with them, and so I was given the codename “Bolpot”, from the Vietnamese dictator. I once called some of my friends on stage for not obeying the school ethics, some teachers even said I was a little too fanatic about my job.
But Allah knew better, thankfully by time I was about to resign my post, my whole batch might have changed for the better, I was thankful, even though the change was small. I remembered one time where one of my friend was a little moody, I knew he was smoking, and the usually people who smoke would get addicted to it. I tried to help him as much as I could, I made sure he was preoccupied with some other things because the way to help someone from doing something worst is to distract him with something else. I even had once asked him whether he would have a game of DotA with me at the school cyber café. Alhamdullillah, he was usually an often smoker, but now he smoke once a month, I’m thankful even if it was a small change, because I learned when I was a BADAR that change has to start small, slowly but surely.
Becoming a member of Majlis Syura (Student Representative Council) for four years has thought me that in life, nothing is perfect or obsolete. Everything is something, everyone is someone, and you have to treat everybody as an individual, not a group. It gave me a new vision about this world I live in and gave me the experience I needed to obtain it.
It's late, and I mean late as 2 am late. couldn't sleep and my head has been jamming with hyper visions(insomnia and stuff). It's already the last 20 days before SPM (Sijil Paling Merapu) and I feel totally exhausted after 40 days of hyper, non stop learning from A to Z of these crazy text books God-knows-why I'm reading right now. But all in all, alhamdullillah, this part of my story is almost finish and I would be glad(totally glad) that this will eventually end.(Although I know eventually a month after SPM I'll be taking another hard exam called SAT's) From the moment I was able to talk and see the world as it is(cruel and very unnatural), I've been to 3 parts of the world( there's actually 10, but those doesn't count because it was just a short stay) From the United states to Malaysia, and Insyaallah now as I've just gotten the attention of the security council and Proton( for scholarships) to Saudi Arabia.
Experience thought me that these part of hard time life are the ones that we should cherish most. Why? simply because getting through all this was so hard it could knock your brain dead cold!!! And because as you can see, it was these parts of life that was mostly worth the effort. As my twin use to say it(and I could still hear it in my head right now): it's ALL A TEST.
I've had my share of test and trials and hard times: from going through non stop chase by undertaker, to the all average emotional of losing hope, then wanting to win everything and compete with everyone, and finally this never ending battle of brains. Yep I had my fair share of experience. And Alhamdullillah, Finally!! it's gonna end!
