Friday, May 2, 2014

Through the Looking Glass

"When you're blind, you loose your sight, but what's more worse is when you loose your vision"

I opened my eyes as new found light entered into my sight, the vision I now have was totally different than what I was used to. I tried looking around my surroundings. the world clearly felt weirder. Weirder in a sense that was hard for me to comprehend. the world seemed right, maybe a bit too right. Everything was sharper, the rays emitting from light sources were dimmer, everything seemed magnified.

I took off my new pair of glasses, not being able to bear the difference it made. It was truly scary. for me, someone who has been dependent on his sense of sight and sense of hearing for as long as I could remember, having to totally change that sense so abruptly almost caused me to faint due to the fact that I wasn't use to the sensation of "better" sight.

Putting back the glasses, I tried walking as the optometrist advised. I wobbling for the first few steps, and incredibly, even to the surprise of my optometrist, I actually fell.

She chuckled. I guess it must have been a first time any of her customers actually fell the first time they wore spectacles. I told her how my vision was completely different when I tried to move. It was like everything seemed so unreal, virtual. The hands I was looking at didn't feel like the hands I normally had, my legs felt as if they were different, even the size seemed odd from where I was looking, I even complained how the world seemed darker, with less light.

Her response: was that I was over-dramatizing.

I may have to agree to some point, maybe I am a bit over-dramatic. but who wouldn't when their sense of sight was changed 180 degrees in just mere seconds?

To me, my sense of sight was one of the most important senses I hold dear. Would I have been able to type on a keyboard or write codes if my eye-sight was bad? would I be able to read the articles that was posted on the internet that I so-long waited? Would I be able to shoot with my bow in this condition?

All these questions kept me preoccupied as I calculated my next course of action on how to overcome my dependency on an item called glasses. Clearly, this would be my biggest obstacle in my life so far, since it will effect the whole statuesque of my life.

I mentally visualized it in my mind. With glasses, the moment I woke up from bed I would have to search for it, then I would have to make sure it was spotless and clean, this in essence could become a problem, with how dark my room is usually during mornings and how groggy my eyes will be when I've just woke up. Then there was the problem of eating. If I slurp my favorite Mi Goreng that my mum makes too quickly it will stain my glasses, thus taking up time to wipe my glasses while eating and repeating the process all over again, what about with my favorite Kuew Teow Sup? If I sip a bowl of sup will it damage my glasses when the hot water hits it? If it rains will my vision be blinded by the droplets of water covering my glasses? Would I need to wear my glasses while I'm driving as well? what happens if I misplace or broke my glasses? will it mean that I will be at the mercy of whoever is kind enough to lend me a helping hand and guide me?

So many questions......... yep, I was over-dramatizing.

I started wondering, how in the world does everyone else does it? do they just start wearing a pair of transparent silicons over their eyes, knowing full well they will be at the mercy of such a small object and walk out the shop just like everything is ok? can people really do like that?

Placing two of my fingers on my temple in a thinking posture....... I begin to to think, and the only logical conclusion was that, yes, it seemed that people were ok to put their lives at the mercy on element 14. I'm assuming that not being made of element 13 and when divided by 2 which equals to lucky number 7 has it pros on the psyche of the average human mind. Further more, it may just be too much of a  coincidence that the symbol for Silicon (Si) can literally be pronounced as "see".

Hmmm, yes, maybe that is the reason, I thought to myself (again I'm over-dramatizing but bear with me), well I guess this will have to be a new chapter for myself, it wasn't like that I wasn't use to the idea of putting myself at the mercy of such mundane everyday objects, which reminded me of instances of me misplacing my handphone or when my inhaler was out of juice, yes, I told myself, this was just another wall to climb on, another problem to be solved.

This will be another chapter of life, I thought to myself. Unknowingly, the shop attendant who was sitting over the counter was quietly looking at me and how weird I may have seem in general. Nevertheless, this was a new chapter, I concluded, and the pages that I will write will hopefully be better than ever. Just to stress on my determination and my will, I placed my hand on my new pair of glasses in a pose to adjust it with my eyes closed which prompted me to say aloud: "This will be a new chapter indeed". Clearly I was over-dramatizing it, all the other people in the shop were looking at me confused as I exited.  

The first thing I did when I've reached my room was to draft a new course of action that I needed to make into a habit while living under the dependency of these new pair of glasses. New habits must be made, others must be destroyed. Contingency plans must be prepared if ever something went amiss, friends must be told and be made aware so they can act as well.

With a plan made, a draft set, close friends contacted telling them of these ill news, I laid down my pen and pencil for the last time, for the next time, next morning to be exact, will be a new chapter, I have a plan, and hopefully it will succeed.


The first picture of me with glasses taken by my little brother Aziem
This was basically how it was the first few days when I was trapped with my spectacles. That feeling of over-drama, the blindness when you wake up realizing that you have to find your pair of glasses first instead of making sure your alarm stops ringing.

Looking back at how I was in these first few days, I have to admit, I clearly was (and you'll hear me say this often) over-dramatizing.

Now Alhamdullilah, life has been easy on me. with the guidance of family and friends, this journey of getting use to a pair of glasses on my head was overcome, quite easily if I might add, considering all the crazy possibilities that I had come up if anything went amiss.

In all my years, I never expected to wear glasses. I always thought that I could have kept my sight as good as it was, but I guess that's wishful thinking considering the fact that I am taking a degree in Computer Software Engineering and almost 90% of my waking hours is spent in front of the computer. Wearing glasses was inevitable.

As I pondered back the story of my glasses, something made me realize, that no matter how much our sight is obscured, our vision must be clear. Even now as my sight changes, becoming much more sharper and if I could still add, more virtual, my goals and visions won't change. I guess that, even with the glasses on, I'll still be the same old quirky old person I've always been, just maybe a bit different while the glasses are on. I'll have a new pose for sure, now that I could pose as the professor or the Maven while reflecting light from my glasses with a smirk on my face, but........ my dreams will still be the same.

Something about eye-sight came into my mind, it was an advise from one of the early Muslim Scholars, I couldn't recall who (I tried performing my all-knowing professor pose but it still didn't come to me), it went like this:

A blind man stumbled upon a scholar and asked him: "What could be worse than loosing your sight?"

The scholar replied: "Loosing your vision"

I pray that no matter what changes I'll go through, I'll still hold firm to the visions I've placed myself on, blinded or otherwise.