Grateful to be Alone

Since recent events I've never been alone, I mean truly alone. there would be either text messages from my closest friends and families asking me whether I'm alright.

Considering the fact I'm never all right, that was a very rhetoric question. and so there goes the time which i had to only tell them half the truth.

Of course I'm alright! I told them. Of course who would believe me considering the fact I am a H1N1 carrier.

The second wave came abruptly at the wrong timing I guess, when u were busy getting ready for college, with all the SATs, scholarships, universities, debate training and JIM business, I myself find it hard to believe that I'm still standing, that my legs are still intact, that I'm still breathing, that after all I've been through (puh-lease, I don't need to go into the details), I'm still alive and talking.

While these few days staying alone ( and apparently sick) i utilize it as much as possible, jogging by myself outside during the morning, going to mosques and suraus with there kulliyyah's and there tazkirahs, and finally staying at my room, relaxing on how normal a routine of my day went, these things don't usually happen, i don't usually have daily routines in my life, with a life as bizzare and as exiting as mind, everyday there's something new, but not this time.

Why? well to create a change in this world you have to realize the fact that you can't do it alone. you can't do task force programs, going to each individual couple and saying to them that Valentine's Day is HARAM or go out and have a debate training, or even try and publish your latest article for reader's digest without someone checking on it first.

That's what I realize, you can't change the world alone. As brother Khairul once put it: "There is no such thing as Dakwah by yourself".

And that's how my life has been going through, "physically not alone" so I could change the world.

But during these 4 days of no-text messages, no outgoing or task forces, no training and work. I really felt that there was a change in myself.

You see because we are never truly alone, there is always Allah to be there, watching, listening and knowing.

these 4 days i spent looking at the sky and wondering, how grateful I am during these lonely times my head never banged like crazy or my emotions went unstable. More or less, I was still sick. But the chance to be able to rethink what we need to do is a blessing for all of us, that Allah doesn't just give us time to help others, but also to help ourselves. And i think, that's the whole point of these 4 quiet days. Alhamdullillah I took this time not to understand my world, but to understand my life.

As they say: