Hand Sanitizers: Protection against "wholly hearted" Muslims

With the uprising of the usage of forks, knives and spoons, some eating places (restauranteurs, buffets, ceremonies etc) have not been providing places where Muslims can wash there hands to eat.

Eating with hands has been a norm in Muslim society since the ages of Adam and Eve. The eating of the forbidden fruit was with their hands (Duh). The Prophet if not eating soups or any watery substance will use his hands, if not all the time, from bread to chicken to burgers (ok, I made that up).

And so, many "good-obedient" Muslims have been following this "sunnah" for quite some time. One of my Ustaz once said to me:

"We believe that whatever the prophet does will be rewarded with heaven"

Besides that, eating with your hands is much more easier than eating with normal cutlery. Imagine the pain and hardship of trying to chop the lamb with a fork and knife when any other Muslims will easily just rip it apart with there bare hands. to our non-muslim friends watching us gruesomely ripping out the steak and chickens and eating it with tasty-mouth watering looks gives the impression that we are as barbaric as they think of us.

Are Sanitizers the Path to hell?

However recent(well not so recent) discoveries have shown that when eating with your hands, helps in the digestion of food more easily (one of the reason you don't see many Muslims entering "the biggest loser"). Our hands secretes enzymes that makes food easily decomposed (that's why your mom always gets angry to you when you touch the food on the plate with your bare hands!!), thus the reason why you might see a Muslim eating his/her food with mouth-watering looks.

Now the problem comes when there isn't any place to wash there hands. It comes as a dilemma for every "practicing" Muslim if he couldn't wash his/her hands as the next "sunnah" of the prophet is to cleanse thy hands after it. Not to mention that almost a majority of the "sunnah" requires the use of your hands (from shaking hands, giving alms, helping the old lady pick up her stuff etc). It will be quite the dilemma for we Muslims.

That's where our non-Muslim friends has helped us solved this dilemma by creating a fast and easy cleansing method: Hand sanitizers. Now, Muslims from all over the world can enjoy following the "sunnah" of the prophet thanks to companies like Dettol, Gold Bond Ultimate, MicroArmor, Hy5, Soapopular, SHBAN, and Handclens. Or can they?

Recent discoveries (And I mean very recent) have shown that hand sanitizers contains alcohol substance like isopropanol, ethanol and n-propanol. Ethanol is the alcohol in beer and other alcohol based drinks.

Now think about it, before Muslims eat, you put on hand sanitizers on your hand, wouldn't some of that alcohol be left on your hand? and then you put your hand into your food, eating it with all the alcohol left in there, thus committing one of the most hideous crimes a Muslim can do: consumption of alcohol. The prophet says that even a small quantity of alcohol will earn you 100 slashes, this shows the severity of this.

Muslim scholars from all over the world have been calling this "a way of Satan corrupting the hearts and minds of young innocent Muslims"

"This is an abomination to Muslim Belief!!! it is the way of the Kafir trying to make sure that we follow them into hell, we shall not accept this!!!"

"We shall burn all sanitizers to the ground the same way how our beloved Prophet S.A.W burned all the alcohol"

"I think that Reckitt Benckiser (the manufacturer of Dettol) is a member of the "Illuminati" and deserves his head being chopped"

Whether or not the International Fatwa will issue a law whether or not to ban the hand sanitizers is still for debate, but still you can't ignore the fact that this is the method the Kafirs are destroying the Muslims.

PS: Anything that is not base on religion is only fictional and is not intended to put a bad name on anyone except those whom are "really" against Islam. We apologize for any discomforts.