Tuesday, March 20, 2012

A Brother Like No Other

There are 3 things I will pray for you:

"The Right way to obtain success,
The Achievement of becoming successful,
And the Strength to continue after you have succeeded " 

Calm - Calculating - Core 
My head was full with dandruff as I scratched . A thousand different things were swirling in my head. I have just walked out barely triumph  with the "Defending Finalist" title for the Rector's Cup the other day. I thought I was dead that day, maybe I was wrong. Now I have quizzes and exams to study for, assignments to be handed out and programs to attend to. 

But non of these things bothered me more with what is about to happen this 21st. It might not even concern me, but somehow I was worried about my little brother's SPM exam results. It seemed like a whole joke that I wasn't worry with my own problems to begin with, but unlike my brother, I was different, I had to console disappointment the hard way, and in that it made me stronger.

The first of my little brothers, 3rd among a long line of  seven siblings, considered to be the "cold-calculative" type with god-knows-what diabolical plans are in his head, the "middle-one" or "moderate", always doing things base on logical reasoning, his "reasoning" of course. He'll be the like the guy who shuts himself in his room. Serious, sometimes sensitive, with a great skill of getting what he wants either to talking and arguing
at Padang Indonesia, besides a dam
or some malicious plan of his.

You'll be surprised how different we are. I have straight hair, his is curly. I'm sometimes playful, he's always seems serious and mature. He knows what he wants and how to act for it, I hardly know sometimes what I want let alone what to do about it. It's like if we stood next to each other you'll say he is the elder one, like he's my brother and is instead the one taking care of me rather than the other way around. And that's what worries me.

Both of us we're raised in  very different environments. Part of my life was bent on taking care of the other smaller siblings while he looked from the sidelines sometimes. Much of the responsibility of becoming a brother in the family was on me while he might be stuck in his room reading. I stayed at a hostel during my high school years, he was able to stay at home. When I started high school I was with nothing except my sister to help, he started with everything because everyone knew him as the "Principal's son". He had a simple life, I had "a somewhat harder" one. It was this difference of experience that worried me.

The nights we spent, all bruised and tired
I remembered the time, when both of us went to a trip at Padang, Indonesia. I would always frantically run around worrying whether or not Fattah had everything he needed, if he had forgotten something, if he was not telling me something. He'll go like your usual absent no worry face. Another time was when we first teamed up together for the first time at the CFS Open Debate Tournament. He always looked at me first before thinking anything, even I was sometimes baffled with the topics we debated about. There was another time me and him, with some other siblings we're home while our parents left. He just had a surgery on his intestine and he wanted to eat Maggi!!! I had to take out my belt and threaten to scar him if he didn't stop acting like an idiot and go back to his room. Could you believe it?!!! it was like he never didn't learn the lesson of eating healthy food yet even after a surgery. I always thought: what was this guy thinking about? And it was these moments with my siblings that I had to have the will to lead forward like a brother should.

IIUM Open Debate our annual teaming up
Remembering these events made me laugh. I didn't know when the turning point was. The Debates and Programs we had together? The constant show of anger and disagreement we had for each other? Or the same views and objectives we wanted for our life? Or was it just him somehow being more mature than I thought. whatever it was, the difference before this made the bond of brotherhood between us stronger. 

I remembered the time when we went for a debate tournament. Every year we'll team up and recreate Team Fauzi. without even saying it, the judge guessed that we were brothers because it was like we were a perfect team. He would hear my views more, I would listen to him. We would know when to talk about something and when to keep silent about it. We could assume what each of us were thinking about without talking about it. And for some very funny reason we would sound like we knew each other even though the time spent was short. I remembered my pupils telling me this during a debate training and one of them envied the way I talked with Fattah, like our bond was strong,

To me, he was like a brother like no other, complimenting each other. In the family, he'll be Mr Ustaz and telling all of our siblings about religion and what is right or wrong, while I'll be the one to have fun and play with. He'll be talking about hard stances like anti - facebook and protest, while I'll be talking about soft stances like stay at home use the internet as long as you don't forget to pray and don't go to protest. He'll be talking about you should only take things from Sahih Bukhari, I'll say that Fadhilat Amal is not such a bad idea. 
A brother like no other
On a monthly basis, we would meet up and talk about the issues pertaining our family, our plans, and our future. Like we were plotting something and it was going to change the world, which it would. We would have different views on the world, different ways to obtain it, but what we can agree is the end goal. 

I remembered the moment he became the semi-finalist for the IIUM Debate, I cried for him as though it was my lost, because I worry he wouldn't be able to go through it.

That feeling is worrying me now. 

It was this moment where it's a make - or - break in which I'm not there to help him nor remind him what he has forgotten or if he's doing something wrong. And so I pray: I pray that he finds the right path to success, that he achieves success and if otherwise, have the strength to to move beyond that success.       

I am Grateful to Allah, that among all the people in the world He choose you to be my younger brother, Fattah. Whatever happens, I'll be sure to support you, the same way how you would support me. 

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