(And so a continue on "Are you Alim")
I'm not going to talk about human rights or freedom of humanity or such (lame).
This weekend, 11th to 13th June, I went to the International Humanitarian Law Debate.
what we were debating was whether some acts should be done and whether it was humane enough to do it.
Things like the Flotilla, Myanmar, Eu and other stuff.
One of the things that I most fell grateful was debate, yet one of the things I regret most was my inability to be in control during the debate, because hey, FYI, debate is about in control of yourself.
Your emotions, how you think and how you create a strategy is all in debate.
When I was in Uitm Shah Alam, there were some bits of moments where I feel responsible as someone whom knew Islamic knowledge and philosophy, to tell my friends and teammates, what is the do's and don'ts. However it seemed like by the end of the day, I was not in control of the situation myself.
Sometimes (maybe all the time, especially in university) you forgot things. things that are suppose to be the principles and beliefs of your life. To me it happened during this debate. I was so into debate, so into winning and fighting for a place that I forgotten the real objective I went in there the first time. It's like you weren't actually doing anything much to change the people you intended to change.
I remember Fattah, how he "mingled" with these type of people, they didn't actually understood Islam as we did, so he tried to help them, but rather than helping them, he went with them. Diverting from his purpose, from his objective.
I remember the time when I went to my first ever training at CFS. I was wearing a jubah with a serban, and I actually got rank first in the audition.
Brother Irzal was surprised that it was me whom got first, and gave a slight comment
"by the end of this year, you might not be wearing this anymore"
I took that as a challenge, and as a dare to myself, that even within debate, i will still be able to be the Fakhry I am before this. I don't want to be like my seniors whom got lost nor like my friends who went through the trend of modernization and got lost.
Saddiq's influence over me it seemed was too great, and I didn't notice that there were some values I've forgotten, some things I missed. Further more was the influence the surroundings I was in. It wasn't like you were back in IIU interschool, you were debating with people whom has been brainwashed with secularism and liberalism.
But the truest victory wasn't actually whether I was able to make Saddiq, Kamal, Harris, Aidil or ASyraf a better person. It was actually making myself a better person, because I realize that to make others good, you don't need to watch them 24/7 like a mom does and make sure they do things, it's actually making yourself better, still holding on the principles you acknowledged and the beliefs you had. and in the process, these people, your friends will follow, not because of what you did, but what you believe in that showed what you believed in.
You bring them, show them the right way not because you are somebody Alim, but because you wanted to be somebody Alim, it was all about you.
Amnah dared me to help Saddiq with all I can, and I'll uphold that promise I made. I'm sorry Saddiq, sorry Wani, Sorry to Amnah for being lost.